Australian politicians said some crazy things this week about coal, Putin, and other stuff

If you’ve been paying attention to Australian politics this week — and why wouldn't you, it's so much fun to watch? — you may have learned a thing or two.

Choice examples: Coal is actually good for the planet, President Vladimir Putin is a peace-loving guy, and “shirtfront” is a verb describing a thing you can do to another world leader.

Interesting stuff.

Given that it’s only Wednesday, you've got to wonder what else Australia’s erudite politicians could teach us by the close of business on Friday.

That the world is flat, perhaps?

Coal is good for humanity

When it comes to protecting the environment, Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott is public enemy No. 1. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s a HUGE fan of the coal mining industry.

What is surprising was when, at the opening of a multibillion-dollar coal mine in the resource-rich state of Queensland on Monday, Abbott said “coal is good for humanity.”

If Abbott was referring to the Industrial Revolution, then he might have a point. But he wasn’t. 

“Coal is vital for the future energy needs of the world,” Abbott said. “So let’s have no demonization of coal. Coal is good for humanity.”

Right, except, it’s not.

Unless you're in the dirty energy industry or a politician making money from it, you know and acknowledge that burning coal releases vast amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, and that these emissions are a major driver of climate change.

Coal is used to create more than 40 percent of the world’s electricity and in 70 percent of global steel production, according to the World Coal Association.

"Shirtfronting" is diplomatic speak for "confronting"

On the same day he was promoting coal, Abbott also introduced a new word into the diplomatic lexicon —and set up a potential fistfight with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The Australian leader promised to “shirtfront” Putin at the G20 leaders meeting in Brisbane next month over the downing of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 in Ukraine in July. Pro-Russian rebels have been accused of shooting down the plane, killing all 298 passengers and crew on board, including 38 Australians.

“Look, I’m going to shirtfront Mr Putin … you bet I am. I’m going to be saying to Mr Putin: Australians were murdered and they were murdered by Russian-backed rebels using Russian-supplied equipment. We are very unhappy about this. We accept that you didn’t want this to happen, but we now demand that you fully co-operate with the criminal investigation and if the criminal investigation identifies suspects that you have some influence over, they’ve got to be produced and justice has got to be done.”

Most people on Earth had no idea what Abbott was talking about. As it turns out, “shirtfront” is an Australian rules football term for a head-on tackle that involves driving your shoulder into another player's chest. It's pretty brutal, as you can see.

Does Abbott, a former boxer, think he can take down Putin, a black-belt in judo?

We’d definitely like to see that match-up.

Putin is fighting for "world peace"

We also learned this week from Aussi pols that Putin is sorely misunderstood.

The last several months of conflict in eastern Ukraine have made it seem like the Russian leader is hell-bent on rebuilding the former Soviet empire — at whatever cost. But Australian Senator Jacqui Lambie claims he’s actually “trying to find world peace where he possibly can and doing the best job he can do with that.” 

Interesting. 

Lambie, who belongs to the right-wing Palmer United Party, also praised Putin’s “strong leadership” and “great values.”

“I do like Vladimir Putin,” she said, while mispronouncing his first name. “He’s certainly doing his bit to stamp out terrorism and you know, I guess you’ve got to pay the man for that.”

Lambie, who made headlines earlier this year after telling an Australian radio station that her ideal partner would be "well hung" and have "plenty of cash," didn’t stop there.

She also defended Putin against claims that he was partly responsible for the downing of MH17.

“Vladimir Putin did not pull the trigger,” Lambie said. “If Putin had had a choice, Putin would have made sure that didn’t happen.” 

Careful, Lambie. With all the shirtfronting promised, you might want to choose sides carefully.

Australia is NOT among the worst carbon-polluting nations

Treasurer Joe Hockey is on his first trip to London since taking office and he's already made a major bungle.

During an interview with the BBC’s "Hardtalk" program broadcast on Tuesday, Hockey rejected suggestions that Australia was “one of the dirtiest most greenhouse gas-emitting countries in OECD [Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development] group of developed countries.”

"The comment you just made is absolutely ridiculous," Hockey said. 

"We've got a small population and very large land mass and we are an exporter of energy, so that measurement is a falsehood in a sense because it does not properly reflect exactly what our economy is. Australia is a significant exporter of energy and, in fact, when it comes to coal we produce some of the cleanest coal, if that term can be used, the cleanest coal in the world."

If only that were true.

The 2011 Garnaut Climate Change Review by renowned economist Ross Garnaut found Australia is the No. 1 emitter on a per capita basis in the OECD. By a long shot. 

"Australia's per capita greenhouse gas emissions are the highest of any OECD country and are among the highest in the world," the review says. "Australia's per capita emissions are nearly twice the OECD average and more than four times the world average."

The OECD's own figures also back up the report. 

Oops.

Here's the embarrassing interview.