Benjamin Netanyahu speaks to Congress: The drinking game

Update: Bibi's speech was filled with grim warnings about Iran and slammed Obama's proposed nuclear deal. There were lots of standing ovations in the chamber, and Bibi broke out some expressions we didn't anticipate, including "three tentacles of terror," "you can Google it," "deadly game of thrones," "nuclear tinderbox," "Persian bazaar," "gobbling up," "he tweets," and "hide and cheat." Scroll down to see how we scored the drinking game. If you were following along, you had somewhere between 30 and 50 drinks, depending how generous you were in your interpretations.

Bibi's going to Congress today. Put on your drinking caps.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is in Washington, DC on what he's calling a "fateful, even historic, mission." The mission: Speak before both chambers of the US Congress to explain the dangers of US President Barack Obama's ongoing nuclear negotiations with Iran, and urge the House and Senate to approve new sanctions against Iran despite Obama's promise to veto any new sanctions.

The "mission" has made lots of people very angry.

More from GlobalPost: Bejamin Netanyahu heads to Washington looking for trouble

In the United States, critics think the speech is a case of inappropriate and disrespectful political gamesmanship by the GOP, and of opportunistic and disrespectful meddling by Bibi. His invitation to speak came not from Obama, but from Speaker of the House John Boehner, who didn't bother asking the president whether it was cool to have a foreign leader show up to Congress and deliver a kind of State-of-the-Union address about current US foreign policy. The Obama administration considers it a breach of diplomatic protocol and US National Security Adviser Susan Rice warned that it was "destructive to the fabric of US-Israeli ties."

Critics in Israel, for their part, worry that Bibi's using the speech to score political points ahead of March 17 elections, and that he's willing to harm US-Israel relations — while shoring up support among American conservatives — if it means electoral victory at home.

More than 30 Democratic lawmakers are skipping the speech. So is Obama, who says it would be inappropriate to meet with Netanyahu so soon before Israeli elections. (Oh, that's the only reason?)

What's Bibi going to talk about? Definitely Iran, probably the Islamic State, probably his country's special friendship with the US, maybe this summer's Gaza war, and some other stuff.

To survive this stressful political moment, you'll need a drinking game. Who cares if the speech is on at 11 a.m., DC time, and you might be at work? So what if you haven't even had your coffee yet? Okay, fine. There doesn't have to be alcohol in your drinks. But the game doesn't work very well without it.

US-ISRAEL RELATIONSHIP

Bibi wears a blue tie — 1 drink — YOU HAD 1 DRINK

Emphasizes his "respect" for Obama and for the office of the president — 1 drink — 1 DRINK, BUT MAYBE MORE FOR GOING ON AT LENGTH

Mentions "bipartisan" support for Israel among US lawmakers — 1 drink (+1 bonus for the phrase "both sides of the aisle") — 2 DRINKS AT LEAST, SAME AS ABOVE, PLUS THE +1 BONUS FOR "SIDES OF THE AISLE"

Explains the purpose of the speech he's in the process of giving — 1 drink — 2 DRINKS

Explains what ISN'T the purpose of the speech, such as, ya know, undermining the US president — 2 drinks — 2 DRINKS

Calls US relationship with Israel "special" — 1 drink 

Calls the relationship "strong" — 1 drink — 2 DRINKS

"Stronger than ever" — 2 drinks

Says US support for Israel is "steadfast" — 2 drinks

Uses the phrase "shoulder to shoulder" — 1 drink

"Shared dream" — 1 drink 

"Common values" — 1 drink — HALF A DRINK FOR "COMMON DESTINY"

"Shared dream and common values" — 3 drinks

Calls US and Israel "friends" — 1 drink (+1 bonus if he upgrades it to "family')

Standing ovation (Republicans only) — 1 drink — HARD TO TELL, YOU PROBABLY DRANK ENOUGH THOUGH

Standing ovation (Democrats only) — 3 drinks — 3 DRINKS, FOR SOMETHING POSITIVE BIBI SAID ABOUT OBAMA

Standing ovation (whole chamber) — 0 drinks, have some water and stay hydrated because this is going to take a while — YOU STAYED VERY HYDRATED

Standing ovation (partial, not fully committed, ambivalent) — 1 drink — 1 OR 2 DRINKS, DEPENDING ON YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON ENTHUSIASM

John Boehner cries — 1 drink, throw something at TV — WASN'T ON CAMERA MUCH BUT YOU COULD PROBABLY HAVE A DRINK OR TWO HERE

Bibi claps along as audience applauds him — 3 drinks

Notes "important differences" between US and Israel — 1 drink 

Waves from podium — 1 drink — 1 DRINK PER WAVE, OR PER WAVING EPISODE? WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN CLEARER

Your chosen cable news broadcast airs split-screen showing pre-recorded footage of Obama as a way of emphasizing that Obama is not in the audience — 5 drinks — LET US KNOW

ISRAEL AND BIBI'S PEOPLE

Calls Israelis "my people" — 1 drink — 2 DRINKS 

Suggests that "my people" includes all Jewish people everywhere, not just residents of Israel — 3 drinks — JUDGMENT CALL

Refers to Jerusalem as "eternal and undivided capital" — 2 drinks

"Peace" — 1 drink (+1 bonus for "durable peace") — AT LEAST 4 DRINKS, NO BONUS FOR "DURABLE"

Describes Israel as "strong but vulnerable" — 2 drinks — JUDGMENT CALL

Promises never to "waver" in the face of adversity  — 2 drinks — JUDGMENT CALL, NO "WAVER"

Refers to David, Isaac, and other Jewish patriarchs and matriarchs — 4 drinks — EIGHT TOTAL DRINKS FOR ESTHER AND MOSES

Suggests that he is personally responsible for the "survival of Israel" — 2 drinks — JUDGMENT CALL

Talks about Israeli military victories of the past — 2 drinks — 2 DRINKS

GAZA (WILL HE BRING IT UP?)

Vaguely refers to "last summer" — 1 drink — 2 DRINKS

Makes a subtle dig at the United Nations — 1 drink — 1 DRINK

Makes an explicit dig at the United Nations — 2 drinks — 1 DRINK

"Rockets" — 1 drink — 1 DRINK

Claims Hamas used Palestinians as "human shields" — 2 drinks 

Repeats verbatim: “Israel used missiles to protect its children; Hamas used children to protect its missiles” — 4 drinks

Uses the hypothetical: "What would you do if rockets were being fired into your country?" — 2 drinks

Offers justifications for civilian casualities — 1 drink

IRAN AND "MILITANT ISLAM"

Uses "my part of the world" to refer to the Middle East — 1 drink

Calls someone or something "medieval" — 2 drinks (+1 bonus if paired with "barbarism") — 2 DRINKS

Refers to "Islam" or "Islamists" as "militant" — 1 drink (+2 bonus when paired with the expression "on the march" or "cancer") — 4  DRINKS

Compares Hamas to the Islamic State (IS, ISIS or ISIL) or Al Qaeda — 1 drink — 1 DRINK

Says Hamas and IS are branches on the "same poisonous tree" — 3 drinks

Says something about "ideology" — 1 drink — 1 DRINK

Reads quotes from Islamists meant to sound very scary — 2 drinks

Says (as he did in his speech to AIPAC on Monday) that Israel has been surrounded by an "Arab noose" — 4 drinks, then splash cold water on your face

Describes goal of "militant Islamists" as "world domination" — 1 drink

Uses the phrase "Islamic State of Iran" — 2 drinks

Asks, "Would you let ISIS enrich uranium?” — 5 drinks

Says, “Iran’s nuclear capabilities must be fully dismantled,” speaking slowly, emphatically, and while pounding the podium with his index finger — 6 drinks

PROPS

If Bibi uses props, shotgun one beer. Shotgun two beers if he uses clip art to illustrate a point about existential threats to his country — WE WERE ALL DISAPPOINTED, UNLESS YOU CONSIDERED HIS LARGE STACK OF PAPERS A PROP