Events in Crimea are spiraling out of control, with Russian or pro-Russian forces holding key government buildings and military bases under siege. So naturally, Russia Today asked Steven Seagal to weigh in on the situation in Ukraine. He begins:

"Well, it's exactly the kind of thing we — meaning myself, several members of Congress, and millions of other people — have been trying to avoid. I hear a lot of political rhetoric, I hear a lot of political spinning." (audible sniff)

Steven Seagal is of course noted for his work in stopping the attempted terrorist takeover of the USS Missouri. No. No, that was a character he played in a movie. Steven Seagal is famous for his time as an NYPD detective and for the takedown of noted mafioso Richie Madano. No, wait. That was also a movie. Maybe he's famous for his time as an elite fire fighter who fought the corrupt Aegis Oil conglomerate? NOPE. Still a movie.

Wait — did RT just ask some random actor who played tough guys who relentlessly take the law into their own hands to comment on one of the largest games of geopolitical brinkmanship in recent memory?

Of course not! Steven Seagal is totally an international relations expert, if by that you mean he gets paid to promote the Russian firearms industry. He’s also a regional and subject matter expert, if by that you mean he shares a love of mixed martial arts with Russian President Vladimir Putin. And he's actually a big star in Russia

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