Lifestyle & Belief

Unicorns existed, North Korean news agency says


Jamae Hallberg and dog Femma pose as unicorns at the Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade on October 20, 2012 in New York City. North Korea's news agency reported on November 30, 2012, that historians 're-confirmed' the existence of unicorns.


John Moore

There’s no need to worry about the ridicule you face from your friends and families; top academics have “reconfirmed” the existence of unicorns.

Now, that these experts are in North Korea might hamper your credibility somewhat, but such a trite detail isn’t anything to fret about, now, is it?

According to the Korean Central News Agency, archaeologists from the History Institute of North Korea recently reconfirmed a lair of the unicorn ridden by King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom (277 BC to 668 AD).

OK, calm down. Remember, they're not saying unicorns exist now, just that they once did. We're still waiting on confirmation from Iran that unicorns actually still exist.

This North Korean lair is less than a mile from the Yongmyong Temple in the capital, Pyongyang City. It’s a rectangular rock with the words “Unicorn Lair” carved into it.

See, indisputable.

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According to institute director Jo Hui Sung, Korean history books teach us that King Tongmyong rode unicorns.

“The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn,” Sung tells KCNA. “The old book (Revised Handbook of Korean Geography) complied in the 16th century wrote that there is a lair west of Pubyok Pavilion in Mt. Kumsu.”

Better still, the discovery (or rediscovery, we should confirm) also reconfirms that Pyongyang was capital of ancient Korea, Sung said.

So-called experts might say this is just retaliation for The Onion declaring North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong Un sexiest man alive in 2012.

Others might say it’s impossible to prove, because who can fly into North Korea anyway?

We, however, all know better. North Korea doesn’t do anything rash.

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