From the misogynistic 1950s through the liberated ’70s into the new millennium, agent 007 has slept with 52 women.
“The likelihood of James Bond having chlamydia is extremely high,” Dr. Sarah Jarvis told BBC. “If he came to my clinic I would definitely advise him to have an STI test.”
Whoa, doc, go easy on the old fella.
He’s appearing in his 23rd movie this “Skyfall” (get it?) and 50 years ago today, Dr. No appeared on the silver screen.
Doesn’t that count for anything? It’s James Bond Day, after all.
Besides, assassins gunned down his wife on their wedding day and numerous femme fatales have attempted to murder him – in bed.
“For all the attempts at change, the core of the Bondian world remains the same: obsessed with sex and violence, hyper-masculine, simplistically nationalistic, and addicted to conspicuous consumption,” author Christoph Lindner told Agence France-Presse.
Lindner authored “The James Bond Phenomenon: A Critical Reader” and he teaches media and culture at University of Amsterdam, so we guess he’s right.
Whatever, thinks he’s so smart. Ruining our fun, he is.
Well, regardless of Bond’s sexual appetites, we think he’s a genuinely good guy at heart.
We also have a special place in our heart of his Bond girls.
Here’s our top 7 (based on nothing more than personal opinion of a Bond fan reared in the 1970s who gives extra credit to characters from the original Ian Fleming novels).
Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress)
How amazing that the first Bond girl set an impossibly high standard.
Probably not that amazing, actually, since we prize originals over copies.
And what an original. That bikini and that backstory (she’s an orphan living in the wilds of Jamaica) make Honey Ryder our best Bond girl ever.
“Forty-five years ago looking like that was easy, now it is hard. These days I prefer a little more darkness, and to keep the old photos going,” Andress told journalist Rachel Hannan in 2008.
Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman)
How can you pass on a name like Pussy Galore?
What you didn’t know about Ms. Galore from watching the movie, Goldfinger, is that she was actually gay so score one for the LGBTs.
The character, that is, not Honor Blackman. That much we know from reading the Fleming novel.
Pussy leads a troop of female pilots hired by Goldfinger to fly over Fort Knox and unleash a toxic nerve gas on unsuspecting US troops.
But Bond gets to her first, and she switches teams (if you know what we mean).
“On the promotion tour in the USA, a couple of interviewers would not say it – they took it so seriously,” she writes on her website.
Octopussy (Maud Adams)
OK, so we feel slightly sophomoric giving you a 1-2 punch of Pussies.
It’s not our fault, and it’s not why Maud Adams arrives at Number 3. OK, it is.
Maud is one of five actors to play two Bond girls (she was also the best to do it), so that’s really worth something.
She played Andrea Anders in The Man with the Golden Gun and Octopussy.
Solitaire (Jane Seymour)
In her early 20s when cast as the clairvoyant castaway trapped in a lunatic’s lair, Seymour went on to appear in more than 100 roles.
Vesper Lynd (Eva Green)
The first Bond novel, violence and torture scenes (plus the lousy title) scared moviemakers away until 2006 when Daniel Craig burst onto the scene.
So did Eva Green.
Mary Goodnight (Britt Ekland)
A classic Swedish actress who appeared as Mary Goodnight.
She helped us forget what a dreadful movie The Man with the Golden Gun really was.
Sadly, the movie really killed her career and she appeared in a string of horrid B-movies afterward, culminating in the reality-TV series “I’m a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here” a few short years ago.
Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach)
She gets the nod for being a female Bond, the Russian secret agent usually a step ahead of 007 in The Spy Who Loved Me.
Amasova also gets credit for her KGB codename, Agent XXX.
In real life, Bach quit acting early on, married Ringo Starr and earned a master’s degree in psychology from UCLA.
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