Hey America, your Godzilla is so fat ... it, it, it takes up the whole screen!
Your Godzilla is so fat, he's the most famous monster cuz he ate all the other monsters!
Your Godzilla is so fat, he had to come to America cuz he couldn't fit in Japan anymore!
Now you try. All of Japan is.
When the trailer for Gareth Edwards' "Godzilla" hit Japan this week, the reaction was decidedly sizist.
The giant and terrifying monster at the center of Ishiro Honda's classic film has apparently become a little too giant and not enough monster for the Japanese public's tastes.
The original monster looks like a reptile that stands upright and has a long tail with a row of serrated fins along its back.
The one in Edwards' adaptation, by contrast, is “fat from the neck downwards and massive at the bottom,” as one longtime Godzilla aficionado, who was "taken aback," told AFP.
Japanese fans across the board are mocking the new Godzilla as an "American fatty."
The Hollywood Reporter chronicled some snarky online reactions:
"He's couch potato Godzilla;" "It's got no neck;" "He Supersized;" and "Marshmallow-Godzilla?" were just a few of the reactions from fans.
Some were less harsh about the new Godzilla, but still unimpressed: "It's chubby and cute," wrote one.
"It looks like a seal," said another.
Godzilla celebrates his 60th birthday this year, since Honda made the his first of 28 films starring the monster in 1954. Perhaps some of his changes have come from age.
“I’m not surprised. A spare tire is expected in middle age.”
“Gee, even Godzilla has metabolic syndrome these days …”
In Japan, the slimmest industrialized nation, metabolic syndrome is a major concern.
Known simply as “metabo,” the syndrome carries a combination of health risks, including stomach flab, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, which can lead to cardiovascular disease and diabetes.
In response, Japanese lawmakers several years ago set a maximum waistline size for anyone age 40 and older: 33.5 inches for men, 35.4 inches for women.
Does Godzilla break the law?
You be the judge. Here's the trailer that's been playing in Asia:
"Godzilla" opens in the US on May 16. Japan will have to wait until July 25.
Because that's what happens when you say not nice things on the internet.