(I need to say that there's no comparison between our experiences. But I felt like I was buried alive.) It's a torture every second and every time you breath it's hard. You have to go through it to understand. In the outside free world, you can have problems, but you always have choice. Here, you're submitted to the will of others. (One of the powerful emotions I felt was a sense of guilt towards what I was putting my family through, did you feel that?) Oh yes, I felt it a lot. In Colombia, the FARC said I was looking to be abducted and that was horrible. (Paint a day to day picture for us.) we lived in military tents. The jungle is aggressive. I would think that it's another enemy. I hated the jungle, and I'm supposed to love green things. (I never felt suicidal but there were times when I felt that death would be a release. Did you feel that way?) Yes, and I was suicidal. I think what prevented me from doing it was the voice of my mother every morning. (Yes, I heard my mom and dad once on the radio and they also let me watch the television once. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. (Did they allow you to be alone when you had to go to the bathroom?) I was lucky, I could go to the bathroom, but I always had to ask. (They would dig a hole and we had to go there and everybody could see. So I was always trying to find a tree. (The only physical violence for me came at the very end. But do you think you'd ever be ready to talk about that?) I've thought lots about all of this and I've decided there are things that will never be brought up to the surface, there are things that have to stay in the jungle.